I Deserve More, She Deserves Punishment

Author's Note: In this story, it switches off between Erin's point of view and her abusive husband Kevin's.

I still have dishes to clean, the floor to vacuum, the windows to dust. Kevin will be home any minute and when he steps through the door he’ll see what little I got done, and he’ll hit me, I thought to myself. He’ll throw me to the ground and kick me until I vomit or punch my gut and I’ll end up peeing out blood. Nothing is ever good enough for that man. I quickly ran to underneath the sink to get the dusting supply and then ran to the closet in our bedroom to get the vacuum. If I hurry I just might get everything done. Kevin doesn’t like to come home to an untidy house. I got everything done and even had time put on something sexy for him, because he doesn't like it when I wear my sweats. The daily routine gets old but I know every day I get closer to escaping from this nightmare. Sometimes I dream that none of this ever happened and were back on our honeymoon before the first time he ever hit me. Then I wake up and feel the pain and see the bruises from the day before.

I work for her, I bought a house for her, I take her to get her hair done, And what do I get back in return? Nothing. She takes advantage of me. All she does is wait for the timer on the washing machine to go off, I thought. I walked up to the door and took a deep breath. I’ll walk in this door and she’ll be happily sitting on the couch reading a book that I took her to the library to get. She will act like everything’s ok when it’s not. She’ll put her weak arms around me and think that she can suck me into her mind games with her looks. I turn the doorknob and I’m welcomed home with the smell of a home cooked meal on the stove and Erin in a short, red, cocktail dress. I like it when she wears those dresses, I hate seeing her in sweatpants and t-shirts. A man is supposed to have a slim, beautiful wife that makes him feel like a proud man. Erin looks at me with her big brown eyes and her freshly dyed hair thinking she can crawl into my arms and act like everything’s okay. I don’t deserve this she is a selfish coward and I’m the one being treated this way. Erin walks over to me and puts her arms around my neck just as I imagined. She gets a confused look on her face because of my silence. I slap her across the face. She falls to the ground. I can see her holding back tears, I hate it when she cries, she’s weak. “What’s wrong? What happened?” She asks, acting innocent. “On my day off, my only day off every week. You decide to go get your hair done. Your selfish Erin and you know it. You know I don’t like hitting you, but you can be so stupid sometimes!” I felt the pressure in my face build and I kicked her.

I fall to the ground, I feel a sting in my gut and I vomit all over the floor. Kevin helps me stand and he gives me a cold rag holding me close.”I’m sorry baby, sometimes you just don’t think.” It takes everything in me not to push him away and slap him across his face. I look at him and lie ,”I know baby, I know.” That night I was up every hour vomiting in the toilet, I could still feel the stinging sensation in my gut and it makes me want to scream. The next morning I wake up, limp to the kitchen, and make Kevin his bacon and eggs. Once he was ready to leave he gives me a hug and a long unwanted kiss, then he leaves. I go to the bathroom to get any type of pain reliever I can find. Motivating myself I sit on the couch thinking in a few days I’ll be far away from him and he’ll never touch me again. Last night I was able to steal 3 dollars from Kevin, I walked out the front door to the flower bed in our front yard. I lifted the farthest pot and added the little money to the rest I stole from him other times. Since I started stealing I have 97 dollars, that’s almost enough to escape. To think that in a week I’ll be a free woman and on my own.

I walk up to my desk and found a bundle of papers from a case I’m currently working on. There’s a young boy who was killed from a bullet that shot up through the floor. His mother found him dead, leaning on the kitchen table with a bullet through his gut. I looked over the papers and poured a bottle of whiskey. I think of Erin and her vomiting all over our new kitchen floor, I think of her cleaning and putting fresh flowers in a vase on the dining room table. I think of the way she walks and how it makes me smile and the way she looked in that red dress last night, before she was punished. Through the curtain I see nothing but a boring police station office filled with bored, gossiping officers. I hate gossip. They look at me and pretend wave as if I would wave right back. I return to my papers and proceed in finding the one who killed the young boy.

Kevin walked through the door looking pleased with my work, but stressed with his.”Long day?” I ask him as I kiss his cheek. He says nothing and violently pulls me closer and roughly kisses me on the lips.”What’s for dinner?” He says setting his jacket on the living room chair. “I was thinking chili would be nice because of cold weather we’ve had lately” I try to make it sound like I want conversation, but he does nothing but sit on the couch with a glass of whiskey in his right hand and the remote in the left.”Yeah, sounds good,” Kevin replies softly. I start the chili and as it’s sitting on the stove I walk to the couch and sit in his arms. Trying to please him I kiss cheek and act interested in the T.V.”Did you find anything about the boy?” I could tell he didn’t want to say anything about it, so I stood up, grabbed his empty glass and put it on the counter.”Is dinner ready?” “Yeah!” I replied trying to act enthused. He sat at the two person table and waited for me to serve him his dinner. With my back turned away from him I rolled my eyes, he isn’t even acknowledging the fact that I’m trying to make conversation and help him! I hand him his dinner in a nice glass bowl on a matching plate underneath it. We sit silent at the table.”How was your day?” Kevin says breaking the silence.”Good! I got some dusting done and put some new sheets on our bed. He stops eating and I look up at him and slightly smile from the corner of my mouth. He wipes his mouth with a napkin and looks back at me and smiles.”Dinner can wait,” he says as he gestures his hand out to me. I know where this is going, I think to myself. I take his hand and stand. Kevin starts to kiss my neck and I act pleased. He grabs my breast and I squeeze my eyes shut, hating him, hating him for hitting me and beating me to the ground yet I let him do this to me. He takes off my blouse as I think about how much I hate myself and him, and why this happened to me, and why did I stay the first time he hit me. He takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom. The next morning I wake starving and I noticed I never got to eat my dinner last night. I pick up dinner mess and start to make Kevin’s bacon and eggs. Tears start rolling down my face but I keep them back, because Kevin hates it when I cry. He walks in and notices real quick,"Why the hell are you crying?", I think of something real quick to say.“I just don’t want you to leave.” Kevin is leaving tomorrow for one night on a business trip. “It’s just one night, and when I get back how about you do something special for me?” I stand and act joyful. “Okay, you just wait, I have an idea already.” I put my arms around him and kiss him passionately, I pull him back and he smiles and walks out the door. After a full day of work and planning Kevin comes home, I make him dinner, I clean his dinner up, I watch his T.V show, and we go to bed. That morning I act like it’s any other day but it’s not. Today is the day! I’m going to leave him and start a new and better life. I pack his bag with two clean shirts, two clean pairs of dress pants, socks, and underwear. I make him his breakfast and I sit there watching him eat it, thinking it’s the last time that man will eat anything made by me. I gave him his bag, give him a kiss, and he walks out the door. As soon as I see the taxi leave I grab a box of hair dye I hid in a tampon box, because I knew he’d never go near there. I take scissors and cut my hair to my shoulders. While the dye is sitting I grab all the money from beneath the flower pot and grab a pay phone I bought before he picked me up from the hair salon the other week. I rinse my hair, pack granola bars and peanuts in a small bag along with a few tank tops and shorts. I step out the door and look at the bright sun. I ran with my hood up to bus stations, I bought a ticket as far away as I can afford, a small town in North Carolina. I get on the bus in a panic. He will find me and come for me. He’ll kill me and no one will ever know what happened. I think about going home acting like it never happened, but my hair is short and dyed brown. I act confident as I step off the bus into my new life.

Two months later.

I live in a small house and I work at a small diner called Ivan’s. I’m very happy and I have a neighbor who I’m very close with, she’s coming over tonight for wine and cheese. She claims that the man who works the small store likes me. Him and I talk and laugh, I enjoy his company. Tomorrow I am joining him at the beach. When I see him I can’t help but smile and I think I might be falling for him.