I Love You To Heaven and Back

Author's Note: This is a short story about a young girl who dies of cancer and comes to her mom in spirit to help her grieve. 

I felt my eyes get heavy through the blur of my tears, I saw mama crying and clinging to my hand. I relaxed because I knew it was my time. I could feel god’s presence, I could see him stretching out to me like a father to his young daughter. I  never believed in “seeing a light.” I felt calm and warm, knowing the pain would be gone soon comforted me. I saw the beautiful face of god shining before me and I took my last breathe. In a way I’m kind of glad I left that big, cold, rock of a planet, though I've never really known were I’d be going when I died, now I do. I wish there was a way I could tell mama I wish I could run to her and say how beautiful it is and how wonderful this man is, but he’s not a man he’s god and an angel at the same time. His touch is sweet, his voice is soft, and his love for me is  eternal.

I can see mama and me in that hospital room. Mama lays on my cold chest, no heart beat, no feeling of a pulse or blood rushing through my veins. “Mama!” I yelled, “Mama! Mama I’m here! Look at me!” I fall to the ground and crawl to mamas wry feet. Standing up I try to get her attention, “Listen to me! I’m right here mama, I’m right here!” She stands up as if she heard and turns right towards my face. “I love you Lily, I love you so much.” I hear her say quietly, “I love you too, mama.”

She can’t hear or see me I have to make things right before I spend forever in heaven or until it’s mamas time to come with me. I walked to my house an there’s six different bouquets of flowers on our deck

I walked in the small, empty house and grab paper and pencil. I don’t know if it’s possible for mama to see or feel me but it’s worth a try. I write to her and say how I love her, I told her cancer doesn’t exist in heaven and that I’m her angel now. Mama walked up into the doorway at midnight, she didn’t even analogue the flowers. She’s  never been the type that likes attention she believes in working hard

and taking care of yourself and your family. She walked past the table with the letter on it  and went to bed. The next morning she got a big cup of coffee and finally notices the letter and sprints to it like it was a million dollars sitting on our counter. She reads the letter and presses it against her heart. “I feel you Lily.” She whispers, “I love you too baby girl.”

I don’t know if mama ever wondered how that note got there if I wrote it when I knew I was going to die or if I had someone put it there. I don’t think she really cares, just to know I’m happy makes her feel good. I will never know the feeling of loving a man, holding my first child, or even graduating eighth grade. I am better off here than there, I don’t feel pain or sorrow. Only the love of the lord and his hand in mine. I hope my letter comforted mama I want her to go on and live her life. She knows I’m in heaven and that I will be watching out for her. “I will be checking in on you from time to time. Until then, I want you to think of me. When you see a sunrise, I’ll be the rays of sun on your skin. When you’re riding your bike, I’ll be the fall breeze running through your hair. I’ll be  seeing you mama, I love you.”